The iTV Doctor: Confessions of a Macy's Parade Balloon Handler

In early 2004, my wife met a gal who worked at Macy's corporate offices. They got to talking, and my wife proclaimed our family's love of the Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade. Her response was, "I have an offer you CAN'T refuse!"

At that point, our family evolved from parade fans to parade participants. We filled out the paperwork, and soon learned that we would be handling the "Barney" balloon. This was somewhat of a karmic reaction to an incident a few years before when the Barney balloon had to be removed from the parade, with the help of knife-wielding officials. There were those in the crowd who cried (mostly the kids), and those who cheered (mostly the parents, who had been subjected to "I love you, You love me" for months on end).

We were in the cheering section.

A few years later we finally had to pay our karmic debt. Handling the ropes on the Barney balloon!

At 6:00AM on Thanksgiving morning we reported to Parade HQ (The New Yorker Hotel) to pick up our costumes.

We hopped on the bus to the staging area at 77th Street and waited for our captain to come give us our assignments. At about 8:45AM the crew came and starting taking off the nets, leaving us to hold on to Barney's ropes. We stepped off about 30 minutes later and started the long walk down the parade route.

Barney was well-behaved the entire time, and we even got him to dance a bit for the crowds. The handlers on the left pulled their ropes, and then the handlers on the right pulled their ropes. Some folks even found a way to move Barney's hand!

Seeing the looks on the kids' faces as we passed was priceless! We walked in front of nearly 2 million smiling faces that morning, and that amount of positive energy can keep you going for a long time.

But I couldn't exactly bring myself to sing that song...

And you might think, from watching the television coverage, that the balloons move at a stately pace. Well, nothing could be further from the truth. We're either standing still in the canyon between the buildings, or running for our lives across the intersections. You see, the west-to-east winds are brutal at the cross-streets. So we need to get through the intersections as quickly as possible.

Barney did fine until we got down to Macy's and turned West on 34th Street. At that point, we were walking into the wind, and Barney decided he wanted to go east towards Long Island! We finally got him under control, and turned back north onto 8th Avenue. Inch by inch we wound our plastic rope holders (called "bones") down to bring the big guy to the ground. Then some of us unzipped the helium pockets, and the lighter-than-air gas lived up to its reputation, and dissipated into the morning air. And recently, Macy's has started a program to re-capture the Helium--a limited and increasingly scarce resource.

We had to fold Barney lengthwise, and roll him into an enormous laundry cart on wheels, at which point his parade was over and he was trucked back to New Jersey.

A brief stop at the Headquarters to turn in our jumpsuits, and we went on with our day. Dinner at The Sea Grill in Rockefeller Center, and home.

The next year, we were promoted to Chicken Little. Chicken was a bit less bulky than Barney, but taller. A windier day (there was one accident when the "M&Ms" balloon hit a lamp post and injured a spectator) meant a lot more "trimming" of the ropes (note that I learned the lingo in my second year!).

But Chicken Little was a blast, and we were a lot more comfortable. Inasmuch as I have a REALLY loud voice, I was appointed chief cheerleader for the group. Every time we stopped to wait for the rest of the parade, I got to lead the group in a sort of spastic version of The Chicken Dance!

But once again, 2 million pairs of eyes were on us, all smiling, all shouting "Chicken LITTLE, Chicken LITTLE."

That was followed by two of the smaller balloons: The Candy Cane (right in front of Santa!) in 2006 and a soccer ball in 2007. The soccer ball was a blast--we were the only balloon handlers, and we made the ball BOUNCE all the way down Broadway, singing the international soccer anthem ("Ole OLE, Ole ole").

Ronald McDonald was flying in 2008--and he was a GREAT Balloon. Although we did get in a bit of trouble because we had him flying just a bit too high. But hey, it's RONALD, ya' know?

This year we're back on a smaller balloon: Arrrrtie the Pirate (ye must ROLL yer R's with that). Arrrrtie's a classic balloon, dating back to 1947. A smaller balloon has fewer handlers, and our family is a big part of that team.

It's a unique experience, and one that we'll repeat as long as we're invited.

Should you ever get the opportunity to serve as a balloon handler in the Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade, consider it HIGHLY RECOMMENDED!

Happy Thanksgiving from The iTV Doctor!

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The iTV Doctor is *Rick Howe*, who provides interactive television consulting services to programmers and advertisers. He is the recipient of a CTAM Tami Award for retention marketing and this year was nominated to Cable Pioneers. He is also the co-author of a patent for the use of multiscreen mosaics in EPG's. Endorsed by top cable and satellite distributors, "Dr" Howe still makes house calls, and the first visit is always free. His services include product development, distribution strategy and the development of low-cost interactive applications for rapid deployment across all platforms. Have a question for the iTV Doctor? Email him at *itvdoctor@itvt.com